NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
