Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
