Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize