I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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