she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
