You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You made out with two different species that night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
