she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize