her vagine was all disorganized.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
