oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
