I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize