I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
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Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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