Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's always time for handjobs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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