Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
