we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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