I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
