She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...