her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire