Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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  (858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association. http://tfl.nu/vbvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4449) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  You're the end to all my bad dreams.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?

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  (775): You're the end to all my bad dreams. (702): Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again? http://tfl.nu/buiw
  Replies (6) Good night (892) Bad night (2079)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.

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  (419): My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day. http://tfl.nu/rvy5
  Replies (6) Good night (3585) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.

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  (617): Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem. http://tfl.nu/80or
  Replies (16) Good night (1200) Bad night (6205)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

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  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (37) Good night (10073) Bad night (1547)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

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  (415): sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/mg5e
  Replies (21) Good night (6051) Bad night (1687)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Who is this?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?

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  (603): Who is this? (1-603): You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo (603): Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this? http://tfl.nu/iabt
  Replies (5) Good night (2681) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?

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  (319): Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best? http://tfl.nu/g5yt
  Replies (15) Good night (3633) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.

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  (918): She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life. http://tfl.nu/zzux
  Replies (2) Good night (1368) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses

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  (802): I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses http://tfl.nu/9pm9
  Replies (4) Good night (901) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex

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  (515): she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex http://tfl.nu/uys9
  Replies (2) Good night (577) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad

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  (203): But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad http://tfl.nu/s23a
  Replies (5) Good night (1243) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance

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  (+44): Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance http://tfl.nu/2zgm
  Replies (2) Good night (918) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high

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  (519): can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high http://tfl.nu/opzj
  Replies (2) Good night (600) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...

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  (615): I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own... http://tfl.nu/6vth
  Replies (2) Good night (673) Bad night (422)

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