I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.