It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I looked at my own cervix.
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her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner