He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?