So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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