Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
