I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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