What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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