ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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