Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.