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• (805): View more from California

  I just tipped a bartender in xanax.

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• (310): View more from California

  please tell me if i'm home and in my bed

  (1-310): View more from California

  negative

  (310): View more from California

  come find me please

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Who pooed in my magic bullet?

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  Sorry the bathroom was being used.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.

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• (650): View more from California

  last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?

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• (631): View more from New York

  His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (619): View more from California

  Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Why is there a horse in the backyard?

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.

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