you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
