Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
