Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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