yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
