Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.