So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.