if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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