i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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