allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's blow job season.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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