did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
