Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
