Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
