I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
