so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
