put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
