I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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