How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
