all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
