you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
