i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
