he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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