it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
