and you said cock pushups were impossible
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
