A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
