dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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