I've blown a few things in my day
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
