At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
