Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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