Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
