i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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