Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize