Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
