She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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