We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
