I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
