I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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